I have many dreams but one of my favorites I think about a lot. I’m speeding down some long stretch of highway, straight as can be, probably somewhere in Arizona, looking at a blazing sun setting beneath gigantic, snow-capped mountain peaks. The convertible top is down, guitars and keyboards stuck in the backseat, Buffalo Springfield songs playing on loop.

There’s a pen and a Moleskine notebook stowed in the center dash, the sunset reflecting deeply in my mirrored aviators, one hand on the wheel, one hand out the side of the car feeling the breeze. I haven’t the slightest clue about my destination, but it doesn’t matter anyway because the distant mountains don’t get any closer the faster I go.

Another that I seem to have pretty often is one where I’m barista by day and bartender by night. Everybody I talk to knows me even if I don’t know them and when I leave that social atmosphere, I go home to write stories on my old Underwood typewriter. I still have my hair tied back and my glasses on while I type. Records spinning. And though I actually don’t know, I’d like to think I’d be driving an old Eldorado two-door, of which I deep clean every other month. I don’t know; it’s a dream.

One dream has me homeless and a nomad. But, like, a stable nomad. Trekking in the Alps one weekend, the next singing in a circle of people somewhere in Africa, the next walking the streets of India. Another dream, testing cars for Motor Trend in California. Another still, holding a career as a journalist in some skyscraper in Manhattan.

All of these include way more detail (yes, way more) than I care to share here. But these are all daydreams that, if somehow they became a reality in the future, I would be happy with. Joyous even. Lately, however, I think I’ve been introduced to a lesson. The teacher slaps me with cold, hard but relieving reality.

Priority is a life lesson that I think I’m starting to learn pretty heavily. And not “general” priority either.

I can usually prioritize things well. Things like school work to leisure time ratios, or reading a novel versus a textbook. General things like that. But what I’m talking about is life priorities like what to do and how to go about doing them. Because, sadly, time just won’t allow me to do everything I want to do and, due to simple observation, I can’t be three people when I am only one person. I can’t be the traveler, the homeless nomad, the Arizona cowboy, the journalist in California and Manhattan and all these other dream characters at once.

And although that kinda gets me down, it’s also sort of a relief! Whenever I start something new (learning a new instrument, speaking on an interest of mine more publicly,…writing this blog), I always always always put so much pressure on myself. And for what reason? I couldn’t tell you because I have no idea myself, but I’m sure someone can relate to this. Over and over I have to remind myself that I don’t have to be the best at this new thing I’m starting to learn or a new journey I’m embarking on. I don’t have to know everything, I don’t have to do everything, and I indeed don’t have to enjoy everything. And that’s such a relief!

What normally takes priority (the bigger priority), I think, is something that is probably most important. There’s a handful of coffee shops and bookstores in Asheville that I’ve yet to visit and why? Because I’m out hiking. That may be too broad an example. I’ve yet to pick up painting because I’m busy writing. I’ve yet to train for a marathon because I’m busy exploring the state I live in. Or: I’ve yet to write and sell and perform music because I’m writing and producing words for stories and articles. Choices like these.

It’s definitely a difficult lesson for me at this stage in life.

When you’re passionate about so many things, and you have to sit and choose what you want to pursue and what has to remain just a passion, it’s difficult. So when people say, with such ease, “just pursue what you’re passionate about,” I smile, nod, and think (or scream at myself in my head) “I CAN’T, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” As far as impossible questions go, “what’s your passion?” causes me as much anxiety as “what’s your favorite band?” or, worse, “what’s your favorite car?”

Prioritizing is hard. Prioritizing your passions is harder. It’s definitely a horse pill to swallow, and I think I’m at that era in life (or I’ve entered into it, not knowing when I’ll exit). But in that, maybe I’ve placed too much weight on the opportunity costs of not making those dreams realities. Time is scarce, yes, but I just need to be comfortable in knowing that I will spend that time (hopefully) doing what’s meaningful to me, even if I have to give up some of the things I’m passionate about to pursue things that I’m even more passionate about. Things that I hope to make my career out of.

And I know that this all sounds like I can only choose to be one thing, which is, of course, not true, but as I said above, it’s simply not going to be good to spread wide instead of deep. It’s a relief knowing that I don’t have to give up any of those dreams (Note: I’m a successful individual in every one of those haha), but where I put most of my energy matters. And to that idea, priority has to bolster my career-driven, goal-pursuing desires.

At current, I’m on the East coast. My dream job, right now at least, is one testing cars and writing about them at Motor Trend in California. The West coast. It’s what I’m putting a priority on. Maybe in that time, however, when I’m setting out for that job, I’m driving across Arizona. Maybe that’s my nameless destination in that dream. Who knows for sure, but I’m positive this is merely a point in the path to greater adulthood.

I’m rambling but hopefully, I’m not the only one who is or has experienced feelings like this.

*The basics of this post were mainly scribbled in my notebook on a smooth rock in the middle of Rainbow Lake, a beautiful little spot in the Tennessee River Gorge. Some of the pictures above come from that recent trip. I’m really not going to make it a habit of only writing ideas for blog posts when I’m away, even if it seems like that right now.*

1. Deb Talan—Rocks and Water
2. DANIEL DANIEL—The Lonesome Hollow
3. Son House—John the Revelator
4. Foster the People—Static Space Lover
5. Noah Gundersen—Moss On a Rolling Stone
6. London Grammar—Leave the War with Me